It is Hard To Love Yourself Sometimes

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I am twenty years old. I am a slightly overweight black young man. I get complimented on my big round ass,my muscular legs,and my slanted eyes everywhere I go. However, I get criticized on my weight especially my stomach,the way I walk,and my interest in movies and dance rather than basketball or cars. I am a typical young adult. I sometimes wish I could be like the teenage protagonist in those teen novels they make you read over summer vacation. The one that starts off in a shitty place but comes out ok and ultimately has a happy ending. Life however,is not like that at all. I feel like I do not fit in with other people my age. I feel like a thirty year old stuck in a twenty year olds body. I love stuff from my moms generation. The music,the movies,the dances I love it. I also do not fit in to traditional male behavior. i love smiling,giving hugs. I am not aggressive,and I do talk allot. I have been criticized so much for doing this. I have stopped being excited to go the family functions . Every time I go I am constantly told how fat I have gotten,or the way I dress,or my eccentric ways. I do not know how to talk to them anymore,and I admit I am jealous that my cousins who are both my age get praise when in my opinion I only get criticism. I have had a real hard time loving the person I am. I have learned to start to appreciate the person I am becoming. I have started to state my opinions,and back them up. I have become more vocal as a gay rights supporter,and as a feminists. I have tried to have conversations with people I disagree with,and some who I really cannot stand. I am trying to be healthier,and have even started to look into my mental health. I am not where I am suppose to be,but I am better than where I use to be.


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